Aylin

What are we afraid of most? Of dying? Of staying alone? Of losing the ones we love? Then, except these, what are women afraid of most? Of wrinkles or of cellulite? No! Being Raped. Women are afraid of being raped. And with this fear, life is spent. Walking in an empty street, this fear follows; controlling our door lock at night, there is this fear behind the door. We are right to be afraid because one out of every four women is raped at least once during her life. That is, always there are ones, who are raped, around. Me, you, us.

Well, after so many people are raped, why are not rapists in our prisons? There must be something wrong. Or do these rapists still live with us? Maybe we know some of them, maybe father, son, beloved of one of us. Maybe walking in streets, we saw many in a day. We may have met some. Perhaps we may have thought how kind, how handsome or that such a good teacher, such a successful doctor or such an experienced artist are some of them. Then, what is it that makes these men this much reckless and courageous? To be quiet. We are quiet.

We are raped and quiet. Because justice does not like us, we know. At first, if we are raped and make a complaint, the thing we should firstly prove is our being guiltless. We should initially prove this to formerly police force, then judicial authorities and the hardest to society and our family. Assuming we are absolved, we should also prove that rapist have realized this action, primarily to formerly police force, then judicial authorities and then all society. We should find tangible evident. That is to say, such as a come test ; of course, if the attacker did not use a condom during the attack…Afterwards, we should also prove that the incident was not a willing coupling but a rape; that is, at least being a little hurt is a must. Of course, if the attacker did not realized his action by using narcotic drugs to make you sleep… Meanwhile, we should have a lot of degrading examinations; answer a lot of degrading questions. We should give never-ending testimonies to prosecutors who listen by curving their mouths like looking at a dirty thing. We should hope justice in injustice. And for years…

We are raped and quiet because we cannot acknowledge that this may happen to us. All the time, we try to find an answer to hurtful questions. Why me? Why was I there? What did I have to do with those men? What is the reason of their having chosen me? Might I have encouraged them? The reason of all these questions is not doubting ourselves, but not being able to associate this repulsiveness with any humane values. Rape turns upside down the concepts of human, friend, lover, relative, neighbour, companion, and father; because 80 per cent of the women who are raped know the attacker. We always try to be safe, for instance we should not be on streets after particular hours; however, 33 per cent of rape incidents take place in the victim’s own house. 50 per cent, on the other hand, is in a dwelling place. Another reason of questioning! How did I trust and take that man inside? We question our minds. To drink an offered drink is what makes us stupid.

We are raped and quiet because we are afraid. We are afraid of being murdered. If these men entered into the most hidden of our body, we are afraid of what they could do more to us. We yield to threats. We grit our teeth while the disgusting smelling rapist is over us. Or we are afraid of the honour trouble that stands above our heads like “the sword of Damocles”. Of being humiliated more… We know that people will be interested in what we experienced very much. Then, we will feel their looks; we will think what people are thinking of. Moreover, well-intentioned people give a “fallen” one like us their advices. “Don’t tell everybody. They say badly for you… Forget these, erase from you mind, get married and have children”. Of losing our work and family, we are afraid. We are afraid of our past, our life to be examined with detail.

We are raped and quiet because this is destruction, this is a shock. It may take days, months for us to get over the first shock. We feel ourselves despairing against what have been done to us. Our body and personality were disregarded… It is such a big trauma that prevents us from deciding quickly and thinking what we need to. After being raped, nearly all of us have to deal with depression, posttraumatic stress, anxiety disorders; it takes almost years to gain our health. Things never become as they used to be. Every night, we have nightmares if we see anyone resembling the rapist man, we are frightened. We always remember. We never forget.

Because of all these, we quiet. As long as we quiet, we are raped; as long as we are raped, we quiet. However, as long as we quiet, rapists increase and a woman’s body is pillaged once in every six minutes, too.

That’s why we set off. We reject laws’, which are lay down by men with the state, protecting rapist men. We reject our pain’s being made 3rd page side dish. For sure, to reject is not enough. Hence, we shook off and gave up pitying ourselves.

We will not be the object of this life and what is done to us. We want to be the subject of life and struggle. We demand of world that it should not tread on our existence and pass. And we do not want others to demand in our name. Because it is we who experienced this savagery, only we know how bitter it is. We will see that we cannot be alone as long as we come together. We will bind up our injuries together. We will struggle so that other women do not experience the carnage we experienced. We will tell, we will resist, we will object, we will say end to the rapists and their supporters who are encouraged and increase as long as we quiet. We will realize this with Amargi, in the Initiative to End Rape and Sexual Harassment. We will say END TO RAPE.

From Amargi- Issue 11